Sleepwalker
by missippi-twists
Summary: I am no longer the same without you. Life is meaningless when you are gone. I'm not awake, neither am i asleep. I am a sleepwalker, from the day I've lost you. Dark version of chapter 7 of my fanfic; Stay with me


**A/N: **Helioos :) It's me here. Hmm… how do I explain the one-shot here? Basically, I was really torn between killing the child and letting him live. I didn't really like the idea of turning it too typical. And I also couldn't really bear to let my mini-series end just like that; kekeke :) I drafted this, very roughly and decided to chuck it away. Only to regret it. So with a few phoenix downs and some great hacking skills(?) I managed to revive this baby and clear it all up :) I'm presenting it to you guys what might have happened in my story, do hope you all appreciate this ^^ oh and major credits go to uhh… ADAM LAMBERT! He's my muse… *sighs* (L) *note: I'm writing this in Ciel's point of view, a whole 360 experience :D* And this is a song chappie ^^ title says so :D

**Disclaimer**: Belongs to Yana Toboso :) in which I like to play with them in my mind :D

I woke up, my eyes focusing on the familiar white walls of my bedroom. I turned my head, Sebastian kneeling down beside me, with his hands tightly held together and eyes closed. It looked like he was praying but that was just crap for both of us. I tried to brush my fingers across his face but pain drilled up my core, emphasizing an empty hollow feeling inside me. My mouth opened, a silent moan emerging. I closed my eyes again, finally managing to inch the tips of my fingers across my abdomen.

I felt nothing. No pulse, no movement. Nil, zilch naught.

I chocked on my tears as my floodgates released themselves, translucent droplets draining away from my weary soul. As though I had called him, Sebastian's head jerked up, an arm shooting forward to bring me to his embrace. "I'm truly comforted that you're alright, my lord." Sebastian whispered as a hand trailed across the small of my back. There was no shiver, no lewd groan or anything. I felt as though a huge chunk of me was carved out. A pumpkin being turned into a jack-o-lantern. "What happened to the 'both'?" I whispered back as I pulled back, pushing myself to the limit just to hold onto his gaze, knowing full well what Sebastian was going to answer. Being selfish, I wanted to deceive myself a little longer, though the once impregnable fortress crumbling right underneath my nose.

Silence choked the atmosphere. I was panting now. I felt very sore, my whole being was raw. Utterly exhausted, I clung to Sebastian's gloved hand as his eyes watered slightly, angst haunting his whole figure for a split second. "I'm sorry…" That was the last thing I heard before I felt the world giving up on me. I returned to the black where I wandered aimlessly.

_I see myself, before the corridors of my manor. I'm no longer Ciel Phantomhive that I used to be. I'm fully aware of that, yes. The light glistened through the glass windows, overwhelming my eyes. I would hiss but I didn't care as I continued walking, just go to anywhere to where my legs would take me. So long as I can forget the pain I'm going through. Of losing one so precious. One boy that I could almost touch and caress, yet taken away from me so heartlessly. Cold-blooded beasts. I felt a slight tremor of anger but was washed away by my tears of grief. I bumped onto a pedestal, the Ming vase falling, toppling. Shattering right before my eyes. I wonder if my _son_ ever felt pain as he slowly lost his life. Maybe it was a swift… end but still, he died. Ceased to exist like a beautiful rose who wilted in the sun. A piece of shattered pottery grazed my face. I could feel something wet gushing but I felt no physical hurt. Because mentally, I am too wounded to even notice. I am now a shell. Any other feelings are gone, dissipated with my lost child. I see Sebastian rushing over as he picked me up, like a little baby. Tears stain his shirt but I don't feel injured. I'm grieving. My eyes trailed over to the roses that I loved so. I sighed deeply, just wanting those emotions welling inside of me to disappear, even if just a little. More so, I'd do anything to let myself out of this dream. A dream, I considered. If so, how was my nightmare like? I know. The loss of my child. One that I'd wanted to love so tenderly even though I have yet to meet him in face. Yes. That is my nightmare, my life as it is now. What am I living for; I question myself. Why am I still here, wallowing in depression where I can go elsewhere further, to where I knew my child would greet me with open arms? His angelic smile I pictured so perfectly._

My eyes examined my surroundings, wide shut. I could see Sebastian beside me, again. He looked visibly older. My head hung limply and I saw a pair of scissors just beside of the dressing table. I've heard that people would wake up if someone pinched them. I'm drowning in my dreams now. There's no route for escape, no space to breathe. I can't differentiate between waking or slumber anymore. After all, I'm devoid of any sign of will. I no longer life for myself but for the cruelty of my fate. My hand moved so fast that it amazed me for a while, like it was possessed. No, I am but a doll. The doll master playing me by my strings. My hand flung towards my body, the silver metal connecting with my heart. I didn't gasp. I didn't make a sound. My head lolled to the side as I felt my body grow limp, a broken doll with broken strings. I was bathed by blood, my blood but my misery still stayed. No matter how much I bled, all those emotions still stayed. No, they clung onto my soul. I felt someone pressing down on me , it was Sebastian with a piece of cloth, a dull crimson red leeching onto the white fabric. There's no pint. I have no intention to live anyway. So let my eyes close and let me return to the life in which I wanted. Of course, things fate has never been on my side. My eyelids dropped, tuning off the cruel world that once laid in front of me. Weak as I may sound, I just want to throw it all away and run from everything.

_Bright light seared into my eye. I blinked in response and a formal looking man tucked that little instrument of offence away into his white coat. Guess that flash light got lucky, for today as I scowled slightly. Dread struck me as I breathed in the cool air of the dead night. I felt my heart pound against my chest in rebellion. _I am alive… _I clenched my fists tightly till it drew blood but the intruders in my manor caught notice and whispered amongst them. The head honcho of the group, an experienced doctor judging by his clothes shook his head as he reached for something amongst the depths of his black suitcase. Two of his men strode by me and pried my arms apart. I struggled out of reflexes, kicking. A primordial cry reached my ears. It came from me. I tried to shake them off but they held me tightly on a hard surface, too uncomfortable to be my bed that was drenched with my tears. I saw the doctor, the glow of the moon casting off his face in an ominous shadow. Something glistened in his hands, something he held with care. Something sharp. "This won't hurt a bit… relax; Earl Phantomhive." Yes, it was a needle; a syringe. He came walking towards me; I was the prey, he the predator. My mouth dropped open, a shriek piercing my room again. Where was Sebastian? It didn't really matter. He wasn't there when we needed him the most._

He lied. To me.

I remembered getting dizzy. In a snap, I slid back to the familiar dark that I had grown comfortable to. I felt too exhausted to wake up. My eyes drift aimlessly; I wake for the sake of waking. I watch the sun set in its own leisure pace and the witness the twilight giving way to the dark blue hues of night. Another day has passed meaninglessly. But my wounded soul has yet to heal. The emptiness gnaws on the strings of my heart. Slowly I am slipping. Surely I am falling.

_I am running. I don't feel the marble on my bare feet as I thunder past endless corridors, a twisted labyrinth of countless locked doors. What lies inside, I do not know. Only wildly escalated laughter and shrieks provide the slightest clue to the mind. They are untamed beasts, stains of the world that we live in. Imperfect beings. But how they treat me like one. They do not understand. They may bind me to my bed, restricting and controlling my movements but I do not struggle. For it is not in my slightest interest to move my scarred and emotionally worn body. They may run tests on me, to see if I still do have a slim chance of being cured but I do not respond. For on that day, my last burning flame of life has blown out, I am now but an extinguished candle. They may shake their hollow heads at the Queen's butler but I do not care the slightest bit. For it is not I who requested to be locked up in an institute. Neither am I willing to be for I am perfectly aware that I am as lucid as I can be. I am just a grieving… mother who yearns for his lost son. Is this not the process of death? Why if I'm here for my sorrow, should all the mourners be locked up here with me too? I turn and collide with a white dressed blockade. He lunges at me but I manage to squirm out of his grasp due to my size. I run, heading straight for the staircase, running fervently; not hesitating as my scrawny legs pump me up each step. Adrenaline kicked in, blood rushed to my ears but my lungs was wheezing. Even so, I felt my wound open up a little, amber droplets clinging to the inside of the unsightly night gown they have put on me. A black flash whizzed past the corner of my eye. Though I am at my limit, I do not stop at the frame that blocked my path. My stairway to my own salvation. It was him, I know. But not even Sebastian is able to stop me. For I am still his master, the insignia on my left eye still proves so. Even though I did not call for him, he will still be by my side, a silent pawn where he will stay until my time comes. But I do not intend to give my soul to the one who betrayed me. "Move," my lips formed, however it felt as though I was witnessing the scene from another point of view. It was like I was in front of Sebastian, yet it felt like I was behind me too. Sebastian's eyes were shadowed by his long fringe, he did not budge. "You are nothing but a butler. I am still your master, I command you to move." I mouthed the words, the air not reaching my throat as I panted. Footsteps were closing in dangerously behind me. Still, he did not skitter to the side like I had told him to. A feeble porcelain trembled forward. Using all the strength that was left with me, I charged at him head on; and continued sprinting forward to the dark door of this mad, mad prison that held me captive._

I burst forward with my chest held forward. Pigeons scattered where my feet touched the ground. The gravel dug up my soft skin and the sound of shoes upon rough landing was heard. Sebastian tailed my every movement, like a shadow. Never once letting me out of his sight. I could feel it, his burning gaze upon my back. However, this shall be the last sight of me in his memory, for a long time. Forever, perhaps. "Stay. Don't let anyone in." I whispered, though my voice was steady. Sebastian nodded, his black clad figure stepping in to block out the door.

I took a deep breath, I could feel Sebastian's gaze linger on me, like his unique scent. But I had made up my mind. I want to be with him no matter what. _Neither death nor sickness shall we part._

I walked- my footfalls surprisingly light for a doomed person such as me.

The rough and uneven concrete were scuffing my feet badly, I left a trailing blood path. My heart was bleeding. Soon will I bleed no more. Soon, I will fly. Soon, I will be reunited. Just the two of us.

I broke into a run, focusing on the grey cloudless skies before me. Beautiful.

I trespassed ground and into the air. I'm flying, overcoming barriers to meet you. A teardrop streaked across my cheek.

Freefalling, I am. Fear seizes my heart for a moment. But the want of meeting you so badly smoothes the wrinkles of doubt in my mind. Even so, I cannot turn back time. The decision is final.

The pavement is drawing nearer into my vision. I break into a grin.

We shall meet again my son Am-

-_Let me out of this dream. _Sleepwalker; Adam Lambert


End file.
